to the point of self forget

Im not too sure how much longer I can live the way I have been. It has been way too long since my last blog and my apologies are completely whole hearted.

 

Alright.

 

So Spice and I are still best best friends, thank God. But I have started dating a new guy, Oliver. Oliver is sweet and showers me with undeserving attention and gifts.

 

I like him. I do. But I absolutely hate having a boyfriend who is just so… I dont know unrealistic. Like we have been dating 2 weeks and he is already saying he loves me. That we are going to grow old and rusty together. For the Love of God man. Get your shit straight! I mean? Am I in the wrong here?

 

Also, I have been working my butt off at a resturant. I cant help feeling like shit when I work to the point of exhaustion while making 4.50 an hour. I have no time to write or reflect or anything for that matter. I am almost an entire new person who the old me despises with a burning passion. Like, I love working. I honestly love having a job. But this is not my calling. I am applying everywhere I go. Also, Oliver doesnt help. I cant just sit here and wait until some godmother comes along and saves me. For the first time of my life, Im on my own on this one.

So here I am…

So here I am... I am brushing my teeth and spitting into my empty coffee cup.
I am about to get to drive... so close. Just a few more hours and Im set.
There is so much more in my life now more than ever... alright. So the past few weeks I
have been hanging out with these amazing guys. I am fully in love with all of them as people.
But, it would be insane not to admit to likeing one... but even more crazy not to admit likeing
four.
   One of them has been wanting to date me for two years. He recently asked me out...
again and I said maybe within a week but until then we need to talk and stuff. That night
he had sex with a an 8th grade slut in the closet while tripping on cough syrup. I forgave
him way too easily.
   The next has a girlfriend but he speaks poetry. He words drip with color they bleed straight
into my spine where they will never leave. He's beautiful and I dont know how I have never
noticed him before.
   The last is a player. I do not think it will work.. but he too is amazing in every way
and we always have so much fun together.
Help me please?

Thats the Way We Get By

Alright, I do, whole heartedly apologize for not writing in forever... but I have good reason.
Honest.
So the past few days, I havent been home for more than 15 hours at a time.. and that means
sleep.
 I have been haning
out with really nice guys... but there is still drama-rama. My best friend, Spice, got
screwed over and so did I. I dont know...
right now I am just taking a break from guys. I mean yeah they are cute, and I would love
to have one but not having one doesnt kill me. I mean I kind of adore this guy, Dann. But
its alright.
Btw, Frathon broke my heart.
Alright, awesome story time..
Last night I snuck out of a school night with my best friend. my mom and brother were
 still in the kitchen. I ran down the stairs and hid in the car stock. I waited for them
to talk. I ran passed them into a bathroom which led outside. Once outside I ran tried to
 get through the fence. The fence wouldnt open, so I literally jumped over mine. All of
 this while my family was unaware of the after dark festivities. So now, here I am.
Up all night long at the guys house. 7:01 and getting ready for school. haha oh what a life.
Thats the way we get by.
   -jane

an adventure

This weekend has been amazing. My best friend and I took a trip. Two hours away. Just far enough to forget slight pieces of our common day world.
Our friend also came with us. You do not understand the beauty that came out of that trip. It was a secret. It was spontanious. It was awesome.
As you know, today it rained quit abit. I loved it. When I got home my father was awake watching TV. We made coffee and drank it. Then I went to sleep. For a long long while.
The beauty if clockwork and friendship.

ready…steady..GO!

Alright, few readers I have, this week has gone so unbearably slow. The entire “guy” situtation is no more. Either I blew them off or they go tired of waiting. Which is fine. I mean… I am really only interested in Fred who is hopefully, really only interested in me.

       The other day I was writing a note, like the one you found, and someone saw me… I hope they thought I was just writing in my journal or something. I mean, how does that make you feel? That I am some ghost writer and you are some curious reader I am hopeing to get advice, or just acknowledge me. (I just got a call from my best friend, I hope we are sneaking out later!)

      Anyways

    I am sitting here, with plaid pants pants, pink tee shirt, with an unusually large wet stain seeping into from my wet hair. I can hear my mother arguing with my eldest sibling. I just want them to stop. Some times I wonder if maybe I am the only same one or possibly the only crazy one?

Let me in on your secrets please.

Please readers, please. Let me in on the secrets of peace.

Too dumb to relize otherwise

So today I went to a show. Hank, Fred, Ted, Song, and Spice were all up there. Fred, Spice and I had a great time.
Honestly we did.

Its just that.. Hank was there with his girlfriend which kind of killed me because she was being so rude to him, lucky for me I am now only interested in Fred, its just she needs to praise him with everything she has. You dont even know how amazing this guy really is until you meet him.

 

   I guess I’m just too out of it to relize what I have and what I dont. I also saw the jackass today, ironic. I would say “how I waish he were mine” or “he truely is something else” but thats cliche. I hate being cliche.

 

Because I am too dumb to relize otherwise.

im not

This is bad readers. This is ALL bad. Joe has a girlfriend. Ted is different… so many changes I cant take it. I mean I understand, that’s fine. I suppose Im just not used to it. When I was flooded with attention for about a week and a half. But its alright, my story is already planned out. You cant change destiny. Hopefully something way better will come along..

 

please tell me you agree.

 

I need something solid for once. Please just something I can lean on. Stand on, build off of. Everything these days are so flimsey. Like rubber. Rubber plastic temporary relationships. Rubber plastic temporary love.

 

Is this really as good as it gets?

oh MAN

So its clear how I feel about relationships. I do enjoy being single. But right now, I have a huge crush on this guy, Joe. Joe is… amazing. And supposedly likes my, coming from the words of Girl. I dont know though. Im going to just wait it out.

 

 

I know how it sounds with all the guys in my life, it sounds bad… but Im sorry. Its not like im pretty, im not. I ‘m just really lucky to even get to speak to the beautiful guys that I do. I just hope they know that.

 

    Its raining. Its gorgeous outside. My hair becomes alive as soon as I step out the door. My cloths almost jump, but not as much as my heart does when it processes the sound of thunder or the quit sight of lightning.

 

BreathTaking

 

To the others…

So you know Girl right? Well she was best friend before that day, and we made up 24 hours after. Now we are getting along so much better now. I love her to death and the entire story I told you way the guys fault. I jumped to conclusions and feel horrible about it. So as far as Girl, shes my bestie, along with Spice, fights or not =]                                                                                                                                                                Buut I have another story for you. Oh yes. So I told you about Fred, Hank, and Ted. Well now we have Doll. Doll is so sweet. But hes small… and younger than me. He has supposedly liked me the entire year but only told me when he found out Ted was going to ask me out.

Fred is mad at me because I didnt return his texts.

 

Hank and I had a disscusion about his oh-so-lovely forever girlfriend.

 

Yipes.

 

 

Another day Another Game

Ok, so today I stop and to a guy friend, Ted. He’s very sweet, in my grade, but looks young. Which is fine, because he’s completely adorable and I know he will develop over summer. Regardless. He said he liked me. I said I like him. But on the other side of the table I’m heartaching about Hank. And Fred is texting me non-stop sweet texts.

 

freaking A

I dont know what to do, readers. Help me. Please. I mean… I just dont know. Because today I texted hank and Im like “wanna hangout with Spice and I?” and he said he couldnt but later this week. Which shows he does, in deed, want to hangout.

 

 

Goodness.