just leave me lying here.

I can’t take this anymore. I’ve been screwed over too many times. I hide my feelings  behind a mask of smiles and laughter… it only come natural that way. I don’t ENJOY telling people my problems. I like complaining don’t get me wrong… but I just can’t let them in. I won’t tell them details in order to save myself the humiliation.  I just wish there were someone I could tell everything to… every little detail laced with filth and sin. I want to be able to relive every touch, every gasp, every smile, every break, every tear without actions. I want someone who has experienced it all and won’t judge me. I am so depressed. I want to pack a bag, hop a train, and never come back. Just go. Just go and forget the way he used to look at me. Too bad its not that easy. Only time can fade away my memories pictures of green and gold orbs staring into my, then, light hearted soul. I don’t know why I let go. I don’t know why he left. I don’t know why I’m just never good enough. But I do know this, he wont keep me down forever.