Oh boy. Here we go again.

I’ve been hanging out with this guy lately. We were sort of friends last year… but I began to think we was a womanizer so I stopped talking to him. All together. Not even a word, I was so angry that I almost let myself get into that sort of situtation. As of a few weeks ago, we decided to start hanging out again. Everything went smoothly and he seemed like a really good guy. I don’t think I’ve had that much fun with anyone else.  One day he came over and we ended up kissing. A lot. That set up a domino effect of less friendship and more into a friends with benefits. I am so attached to him. I love when he’s around, I love cuddling with him, I love the way he smells, I actually enjoy his cockiness.  We hung out the other day and after about an hour of greedy kissing and wondering hands, I asked him if this was ever going to go anywhere or if he only came over to make out. Like a typical guy, he avoided the question with “We don’t only make out”. So I just left it alone but refused to touch him or be touched by him. I felt like a huge rock was put in my stomach. I knew what I was getting myself into… I just expected at least a lie. Anything that I could hold on to and be happy for just a few weeks longer. A few minutes later he says “I’m just not looking for anything too serious”. I just about puked. I couldn’t understand. Why can’t I ever be adored by someone as much as I adore them… is that too much to ask? Then he walked with me to my car and kept kissing me like he really cared about me… but I know he doesn’t. I  cant seem to just cut him out of my life… even though I know its going to hurt so much worse when he finally cuts me out of his.