This weekend has been amazing. My best friend and I took a trip. Two hours away. Just far enough to forget slight pieces of our common day world. Our friend also came with us. You do not understand the beauty that came out of that trip. It was a secret. It was spontanious. It was awesome. As you know, today it rained quit abit. I loved it. When I got home my father was awake watching TV. We made coffee and drank it. Then I went to sleep. For a long long while. The beauty if clockwork and friendship.
an adventure
ready…steady..GO!
Alright, few readers I have, this week has gone so unbearably slow. The entire “guy” situtation is no more. Either I blew them off or they go tired of waiting. Which is fine. I mean… I am really only interested in Fred who is hopefully, really only interested in me.
The other day I was writing a note, like the one you found, and someone saw me… I hope they thought I was just writing in my journal or something. I mean, how does that make you feel? That I am some ghost writer and you are some curious reader I am hopeing to get advice, or just acknowledge me. (I just got a call from my best friend, I hope we are sneaking out later!)
Anyways
I am sitting here, with plaid pants pants, pink tee shirt, with an unusually large wet stain seeping into from my wet hair. I can hear my mother arguing with my eldest sibling. I just want them to stop. Some times I wonder if maybe I am the only same one or possibly the only crazy one?
Let me in on your secrets please.
Please readers, please. Let me in on the secrets of peace.
Too dumb to relize otherwise
So today I went to a show. Hank, Fred, Ted, Song, and Spice were all up there. Fred, Spice and I had a great time. Honestly we did.
Its just that.. Hank was there with his girlfriend which kind of killed me because she was being so rude to him, lucky for me I am now only interested in Fred, its just she needs to praise him with everything she has. You dont even know how amazing this guy really is until you meet him.
I guess I’m just too out of it to relize what I have and what I dont. I also saw the jackass today, ironic. I would say “how I waish he were mine” or “he truely is something else” but thats cliche. I hate being cliche.
Because I am too dumb to relize otherwise.
im not
This is bad readers. This is ALL bad. Joe has a girlfriend. Ted is different… so many changes I cant take it. I mean I understand, that’s fine. I suppose Im just not used to it. When I was flooded with attention for about a week and a half. But its alright, my story is already planned out. You cant change destiny. Hopefully something way better will come along..
please tell me you agree.
I need something solid for once. Please just something I can lean on. Stand on, build off of. Everything these days are so flimsey. Like rubber. Rubber plastic temporary relationships. Rubber plastic temporary love.
Is this really as good as it gets?
oh MAN
So its clear how I feel about relationships. I do enjoy being single. But right now, I have a huge crush on this guy, Joe. Joe is… amazing. And supposedly likes my, coming from the words of Girl. I dont know though. Im going to just wait it out.
I know how it sounds with all the guys in my life, it sounds bad… but Im sorry. Its not like im pretty, im not. I ‘m just really lucky to even get to speak to the beautiful guys that I do. I just hope they know that.
Its raining. Its gorgeous outside. My hair becomes alive as soon as I step out the door. My cloths almost jump, but not as much as my heart does when it processes the sound of thunder or the quit sight of lightning.
BreathTaking
To the others…
So you know Girl right? Well she was best friend before that day, and we made up 24 hours after. Now we are getting along so much better now. I love her to death and the entire story I told you way the guys fault. I jumped to conclusions and feel horrible about it. So as far as Girl, shes my bestie, along with Spice, fights or not =] Buut I have another story for you. Oh yes. So I told you about Fred, Hank, and Ted. Well now we have Doll. Doll is so sweet. But hes small… and younger than me. He has supposedly liked me the entire year but only told me when he found out Ted was going to ask me out.
Fred is mad at me because I didnt return his texts.
Hank and I had a disscusion about his oh-so-lovely forever girlfriend.
Yipes.
Another day Another Game
Ok, so today I stop and to a guy friend, Ted. He’s very sweet, in my grade, but looks young. Which is fine, because he’s completely adorable and I know he will develop over summer. Regardless. He said he liked me. I said I like him. But on the other side of the table I’m heartaching about Hank. And Fred is texting me non-stop sweet texts.
freaking A
I dont know what to do, readers. Help me. Please. I mean… I just dont know. Because today I texted hank and Im like “wanna hangout with Spice and I?” and he said he couldnt but later this week. Which shows he does, in deed, want to hangout.
Goodness.
The Envy I am Feeling
Alright, I have so much to say and no one to tell so here it is. Those guys? Hank and Fred? Alright so I hung out with Fred today and we had so much fun and hes really cute and sweet… but I am kind of obsessing about Hank. He’s everything I could ever want, but thats what I always say… what if by some miracle of God I become his. But the same thing happens as always, I feel like I’m not good enough and that I must leave him behind. I can not let myself hurt him OR Fred. Fred is so sweet and doesnt deserve someone like me. Hank doesnt either. He’s happy right now. His girlfriend is everything he needs. I am in no position to change that.
But I cant help but wonder what his breath feels like on my neck or the way his lips might taste. Or what his hair looks like in the morning… or how his fingers could make thier way from my face down my spine.
I want him.
I am sorry.
so just like that.
Just like the lyrics to the song by Jose Gonzalez, “makin’ the same mistake twice” here I go again.
Tonight was incredible, I mean…. I love local shows and I always have alot of fun, but tonight was epic. I met these two guys (Hank) and (Fred). The first I noticed was Hank, he was… something else and we danced all night. Soon, to my dismay, I find out he has a girlfriend of whom he loves and adores and will probably marry. I was acually happy to hear that. Now when I said “first to notice” I didnt mean I didnt notice Fred, I did. He’s adorable and single. Well we all danced. We had a good time. (as we speak Fred is sending me THE sweetest texts!) But anyways, they are great and drove me home. Just like THAT everything changed. I went from “I dont want a relationship, I was to be selfish for once” to “I dont care, I only think about HIM anyways” and its been what? 20 minutes? =]
Oh Christine, YOU.
Makin’ the same mistake twice? Or do you finally have things straight? Do you wait on Hank? Or do you dive for Fred? Do you possible end up ruining a friendship by a failed relation? Or do you shoot for the moon?
OH Christine.
you.
here I go again.
Its all a game.
That’s all anything is anymore.
That’s all it is.
This is not the answer
This is simply not the answer. I’m sick of feeling alone… I have a family that loves me and good friends yet I’m not happy. I need him. I need a he. I need… boys. I mean, I broke up with Song… which was a shit move but I’m happy. I just feel like acting slutty or talking about being a slut will get me more attention when it most deffinatly wont. I am virgin. Dont get me wrong, I’m not some hardcore slut who talks about blowjobs and sex 24/7 I just might add an occasional comment. When that not who I am … could it be bad company? Do I really just need to feel that warm embrace or smooth feeling skin, or lengthy glances? Or maybe I’m just normal and attention starved from male contact.
Its times like these when I say… “Well hey! At least I’m straight!”
